Looking to the end of the year

That last week of chemo was pretty uncomfortable.  It is true that the treatments are cumulative so that last dose seemed very hard to swallow.  Nausea will likely continue for another week or two.  My hands and feet are experiencing numbness; an expected but late-arriving symptom of Xeloda.  This phase should pass shortly.  I've been feeling chemically agitated at night and have not been sleeping that well. My blood numbers were a little low so I received another white cell booster shot along with some explanation as to why I was feeling more run down on the hemoglobin.  I'm really tired of feeling sick and am especially missing food satisfaction.  The "thrush" just won't seem to go away either but now that chemotherapy has subsided maybe my body will have a chance to recover.  I've added some over-the-counter pro-biotic supplements to see if helpful bacteria will restore some of the natural body chemistry. 

I probed my doctors and nurses to try and get some idea of what to expect now.  I guess it is an observation phase.  I'm getting another CT scan on Friday which will determine whether the liver tumor has shrunk and to make sure there are no new active hot spots.  If all looks good (I'll meet Dr. Scott for CT evaluation a week from Friday) then it may be 3 months, taking me to the end of the year, before I need another scan to see what is happening.  I like the idea of a brand new normal for a chunk of time.  I'm ready for it.  Wondering if it can spell the end of the food pump.  That is a ritual that I am very ready to give up, and at the same time am nervous about getting enough nutrition down the hatch to keep me going.  It would likely mean losing a bunch more weight.  I like the feeling of 170 pounds on me but I think my 6-foot frame could handle losing 30-35 more pounds if necessary... though it would be pretty difficult to put that weight back on for the presumed inevitable follow-up series of chemotherapy next year.  They like me being fat during chemo.

Today I am bidding adieu to Alice who has been visiting Michigan from California for the last 10 days.  We had some really nice times that included cooking, watching "Breaking Bad, designated driving, chemo lounging, and even finishing up her 2011 New York taxes.  She also took some photos of me on a beautiful autumn afternoon with her good camera. (I'll post a few of the better shots when she forwards them on to me.)  One evening, Alice indulged me a marathon viewing of my old Super-8 film collection, mostly shot in the late 70's through the 80's.  It was fun, especially looking at the stuff I shot when I was 18-years old and living in New York and experimenting with my then-new camera and all the possible frames-per-second shooting rates. Yesterday afternoon we stoked up a wood fire in the fireplace, first of the season, and played old familiar board games. 

I am relishing occasional, morning conversations with those of my friends with daytime flexibility. Yesterday it was Steve VerBerg, visiting from Madison.  I first got to know him at GVSU where he wrote for (and I believe, edited for some time) the college newspaper, The Lanthorn.  We got to know each other better after graduation through a mutual friend. Somehow we established a fairly short-lived annual ritual of a road trip pilgrimage to the Ann Arbor Film Festival. The films were always in the experimental genre and several of the titles we saw are memorable to this day.  Steve has been writing, editing and working in the newspaper industry since the 80's and it was interesting to me to talk about the state of journalism and the fate of newspapers; a pet topic for me.  I made him listen to my stories too.

I've been enjoying other visitors as well: Darius, Deb, Stephen, Bill, Sim, Nancy, Lee, Mark, Scott, Margaret, Jeff, Steve Klamer, Girbe, Bob, Teresa, Patrick, Ann, Bruce, WenJo, Kim, Oscar, Ralston, Janet, and of course all my fantastic regional family members... and everyone else who I am forgetting at this moment.  My friend Chad came by with an amazing little Farmer's Market care package along with a great conversation. Dan planted a garlic garden for me. Helen brought a troupe of volunteer high school labor to help me get my under-maintained driveway sealed.  Gifts are never expected or thought to be needed, but I was truly touched by these thoughtful, meaningful gestures.

By the way, I can get out too and even meet for coffee or breakfast, or a not-so-brisk walk somewhere.

The next couple of weeks I am exploring doing a little client work.  Time to get my editing chops back on the grid and see how that feels.  I still have pretty good energy in the mornings.  Looking to stretch them into good-energy afternoons and evenings.