Limits

It has been more difficult to write this past week because there has been very little exposition taking place in my story.  It has been a week of testing out limits of what I can do.

I went on an outing to see the media premiere of a film I worked on called Waterwalk. (Thanks to Ed deJong and Rob Toft for rides.) It was good to see some people I had not seen in a while and also to rediscover that story.  I had done some miscellaneous crew work on the film (shot a few scenes, operated the boom mic on a few others and more importantly, edited an early rough cut about a year ago) and I was anxious to see how they had resolved the story and timeline gaps I had discovered during my edit.  I was pleased to see that the story held together pretty well.  The film is not really finished (it was apparent) and needed more time in the edit room and in a sound design suite but it definitely had some fine qualities.  And apparently, it is going to get some extra attention for its shortcomings.

That outing showed me the limits of my physical strength.  I experienced lightheadedness after a walk from the parking lot and then again each time I stood up from my comfy theater seat.  It surprised me.

I also tried a little video editing.  I had a few, final changes to make on a project for Disability Advocates of Kent County that needed to happen right before I went in for surgery.  We had to put that project on ice (thanks to Sondra and Jocelyn for being patient and understanding).  It went well!  I noticed how much energy I burn just applying brain power and realized that I could sustain myself for a couple of hours with no problem.  The weird thing had more to do with my neck scar.  I never realized how much craning and tilting I do when I am using my big monitor and utilizing every inch of that screen.  I could feel every stretch.

The next day I tackled another very small video edit for Backstage Drama, a worthy community project that I have worked on in various capacities over the past year.  It is a serial web comedy/drama that sells subscriptions and donates a substantial percentage of that fee to a community theater of your choice.  Every once in a while they get a video testimonial from a famous stage personality and I have volunteered to tweak them into reasonable-length web promos.  So on Saturday, I knocked out one from Ed Asner (of Mary Tyler Moore Show fame).  Thanks to Aaron Bannasch for going out of his way to help me convert the raw footage to a format I could work with.

And of course I tested my ability to go beyond liquids.  My first test was illustrated in my last blog entry and I felt very good about it except that it also made me feel very full. It doesn't take much.  My 2nd test was refried beans, melted cheese and an egg wrapped with plain yogurt in a tortilla.  I guess I approached that one with too much confidence because the first well-chewed bite got stuck in the opening and I had to do a little Heimlich cough to clear it.  I am now approaching everything that goes in very cautiously.

Last night we made spaghetti with marinara sauce and a lettuce salad.  I gave myself a serving that looked to be about half of what I might usually heap on my plate.  Everything seems delicious too me right now and the spaghetti felt so good in my mouth!  I ate about half of what was on my plate and then started on the salad.  One little cough later and I realized that I was literally filled to the top of my stomach (which is only inches from the back of my throat).  I quickly excused myself from the table for fear that I might vomit. (Mary later told me that when I stood up and turned around, my pants slipped off my thinning hips and I showed a couple of inches of butt crack to my fellow diners.)  I coughed about a teaspoon of masticated lettuce into the bathroom sink and resolved to skip the after-dinner mint, despite the fact that it was only wafer-thin.

So I have to consider the timing of everything that goes in. If I'm going to have a glass of water I either should drink it well before dinner or well after.  One might say, "all things in modulation".

Speaking of weight,  I know I have lost some and will lose more.  The health professionals want me to maintain as much weight as I can before chemo.  I just looked up the optimal weight for my height.  There is a range but I was surprised to find out that I am still 10 pounds over the top figure in that range and almost 30 pounds over the "optimal weight" which, coincidentally, is what I weighed in college.  We kind of get used to being overweight I guess.  Maybe it is a good thing to re-examine portions needed to maintain a healthy body.

Tomorrow starts a pretty intense week, full of appointments and procedures that will tweak me into shape for entering chemotherapy.  Maybe there will be something to write about!