Hurry up! No, wait!!

For all who asked about the dates and details regarding my upcoming chemotherapy stay, I told you that I would know today.  Well, I was wrong.

I met with Dr. Scott this morning armed with a list of questions regarding the chemotherapy.  One of my first questions was, "How did my recent CT scan look?"  It was quickly evident that he had not yet looked at the results.  He pulled them up on his computer and spent some time studying them.  Then he did a quick exam and abruptly left the room.

We waited about 15 minutes for him to return.  When he came back, he explained that the spot on my liver that had appeared in the first PET scan at the beginning of all this had grown a bit larger. 

To refresh your memory, that original scan showed hot spots on my liver and mediastinum areas.  If they were proven positive for esophageal cancer, then I would be at stage 4 and therefore "untreatable" and ineligible for the surgery.   They did a liver biopsy first because it was easier to access.  The biopsy came up negative.  Then the mediastinum biopsy revealed lymphoma.  The good news was that the two biopsies proved the esophageal cancer was limited to my esophagus and therefore I was only stage 3 for the esophageal cancer and thus eligible to have my esophagus removed.

Now the liver biopsy has been cast into question.  Could it be that it was negative because they completely missed the abnormal area?  I had asked them at the time, "If it is not cancer, then what is it?" and I had never really received a straight answer.  I also remember that it was a real tricky biopsy and they had to do it twice because he was not sure he got it the first time.  I had to be awake and hold a deep breath because they needed my inflated lungs to push the top of my liver out from behind my ribs.  I remember the doctor saying, "If I don't get it this time, I'm not going in for a third try."  Had we all just gladly accepted the good news without questioning the validity of the result?

So the bottom line is that if the liver spot proves to be esophageal cancer, we are back to stage 4 and that changes everything again.  Rather than heroic efforts aimed at a cure, they switch to less heroic or more experimental efforts aimed at a miracle or making me comfortable.

OK, so I had to say that out loud.  But the fact is that the first biopsy came back negative and it could be lymphoma and it also could be some other benign growth.  But they must find out what it is and why it is growing to conclusively proceed with the planned chemotherapy regimen. 

Dr. Scott would not speculate at all.  I could not get him to say, 'If it is this then we'll do that'.  So I am still in the dark about the chemo. The liver biopsy will be re-performed first thing Tuesday morning. Until then, it's still one day at a time.