Liver biopsy, take three

We arrived at the St Mary's short stay unit exactly one week after being turned away due to my little ibuprofen habit.  Now that I am clean and stone-cold sober, they couldn't refuse me.  I'm getting to know all the admissions people and the unit nurses so getting checked in was a breeze this time.

The team down in radiology were all new to me.  The drill was the same; preliminary ultrasound, meet the nurses, call in the doctor to explain the procedure.  This was the third time I heard this explanation but it was a different doctor and he seemed more friendly and took more time.  The one disconcerting factor was that they were having a hard time finding the suspect spot on with the ultrasound.  The spot is very small and they had difficulty finding it the previous two times as well but it took even longer this time.  The doctor and the ultrasound tech finally agreed on the location and they set to work.

This Doc was less stingy on the sedatives and pain meds than the first one.  I had to remain awake to hold a deep breath.  I don't remember sleeping but it all went so fast and painlessly that I now wonder if he was quicker or I was more out of it.  He made three attempts, checking the results each time.  The first two core samples looked like plain old raw Chuck liver but on the third try the doctor exclaimed, "Bullseye!".  I recall him also saying that this one looked different and he was certain he had got the abnormal spot that had shown up on the CT scan and ultrasound.  He also said they would know almost right away if the sample was esophageal cancer but if it was anything else, it would take a week to figure it out and they usually would get a second opinion at Mayo or Johns Hopkins.  Of course, a pathologist must make the determination either way and I must wait to find out anything.  Late news is good news.  So another week of patience is required on my part.

Despite the fact that I felt pretty fine afterwards, a liver biopsy requires 6 hours of hospital bed rest before I could go home.  The short stay unit is pretty noisy and sleep was just not coming to me.  I first tried reading my New Yorker but with the IV on the one hand and the oxygen sensor on the other, turning pages was not working so well.  I resorted to the TV.

Hospital TV is crap; nothing there to offend anyone unless you are offended by commercials, boring talk shows and a channel that shows beautiful nature images with new-age music around the clock.  And there there is the Law & Order channel.  One syndicated police and courtroom drama rerun after another.  That's where I landed and stayed for most of the afternoon. The nurse came in at about 10 minutes to 4:00 to read me the release instructions so I missed the dramatic conclusion to a Law & Order: Special Victims Unit episode where a crazy, charismatic religious fanatic named Abraham had a whole bunch of women and children under his spell. Any one know how that one ends?

Now I'm home and I have to lay low again for another week.  No lifting or strenuous exercise and I'm not to touch the ibuprofen.  In a few days I'll get a call giving me good news or bad news.  And I'll have to take that news without the benefit of being blissed-out on Motrin.  It's just one more week.